One year in.
One year ago, to the day of me typing this, I had my first ever paid client. (I had bought my first camera the September before, so I had about 6 months of learning and practicing before this day.) I remember it SO clearly. It was a warm-ish spring day- and it was a session for a couple. We went cruising around The Ridges. As confident as I was in myself I can remember being SO nervous. To the extreme. I spent the entire day before journaling and saving ideas to a mood board. I remember just praying in my head over and over- “please let there be at least ONE photo they like.” And I remember the relief I felt after meeting them and getting the initial jitters out of the way. The couple ended up being people I think are beyond darling and kind, and I’ve done other sessions with them since. I’ve run into them in town and had nice chats. Thinking about all of that now just reminds me that it’s so much more about showing up and taking a nice photograph. I genuinely love meeting so many kind and lovely people. It’s a reminder of how much I adore my little community and the people in it and a year later, I’m proud to consider myself one of the many small business owners that make our town a such a unique little place.
These are photos from one year ago today! I like seeing where I started. These two are such cuties though for real!!
I try to be pretty transparent about my journey. I’m human, and I think that vulnerability is the best way to establish deeper and more meaningful relationships, and I straight up suck at small talk so going deeper is just part of who I am. For me, my business is about so much more than “running a business” and making money. It’s more like, idk, an awakening? A learning process, sure- both personally and financially. But it really feels so connected to my personal evolution. Pulling myself out of the isolated trenches of motherhood and PPA. Finding a path for myself that will be sustainable for when my kids are older and more independent. Contributing financially to our household for the first time since before I had kids. Tapping in to creativity that has for so long been dormant..
(fun fact: I’ve always been super in to art. When I was in high school trying to decide what route I wanted to go in college, I ended up choosing psychology thinking I’d get into art therapy).
.. it all is feeling incredibly balanced. There was a time when I couldn’t leave my kids, even with my husband. I didn’t do things with my friends, some of them I went YEARS without talking to. YEARS. And to be honest the thought of integrating myself back into “normal” society gave me SO much anxiety. Getting back on social media after being in the shadows for years, and this time trying to showcase my latest hobby (at that point),photography, was terrifying, stressful, and awkward. So to be a year out and see so much growth not only in my business and my skills as a photographer, but in myself. In how I feel, how I view the world, my relationships- it’s all connected. I see my old friends, I’ve made new ones, I love and adore my clients (in my mind they’re my friends), and overall I’m just a healthier and more balanced version of myself. I think that’s why I don’t consider this “just a business” or showing up to take some nice photos for my clients. There is so much heart in what I’m doing and even a year later I’m so motivated to keep growing, keep meeting more and more people, keep learning. I feel like I’ve barely scratched the surface.
A year later and I’m still mood boarding and journaling before sessions. It’s just part of my process, and I love when whoever I’m working for joins in on it. I’m still anxious, but more so in an excited way than a total nerve-wrecking way. There are definitely days of self doubt and frustration. Example: I damn near deleted my giveaway post and said to hell with it. I was terrified nobody would enter, nobody cares that much blah blah blah and I was just embarrassing myself by even posting it. I had to remind myself that even if only one person entered, that person mattered and is the kind of person you want to work with. And if nobody did, then it’s a learning experience and to keep going. There are days when I’m stuck, and for the life of me can’t seem to find inspiration. There are days when I shoot and I HATE it (usually I revisit later and it’s not as bad as I thought..) There are days when I can’t stop comparing myself to others who are farther along in their photography journey.
But not today.
Today I’m proud, motivated, and appreciative. I’m grateful for my craft, for my growth, my friends new and old, my husband and my kids (who are always drug along into my wild photography ideas) and for the opportunities that I know lie ahead for year 2.
