Getting burned by creative burnout
“There comes a point where you no longer care if there’s a light at the end of the tunnel or not.
You’re just sick of the tunnel.”
It bit me in the ass. It wasn’t really as if I woke up one day and felt like crap and didn’t want to create anymore. It was something I could kind of feel creeping up on me over a period of time. It almost made it worse, like I could sense it starting to happen but didn’t do anything about it. I overbooked myself (which we all tell ourselves we’ll never do because we know better, right?) and kept telling myself, “oh, just get through this next week and it’ll slow down.” and then that actually just kept happening for a few weeks. Then that turned into “next month won’t have nearly as much going on,” and whaddya know.. it just felt like it never stopped. I kept looking for moments when I could catch my breath and it just never really happened. A feeling I recognize all too well from being in the throes of motherhood.
But it’s different when it’s a creative burnout vs. a motherhood one. Basically I got to this point where I wasn’t looking forward to going to sessions like I was before, I was looking forward to when I didn’t have stuff going on. I had an extreme disconnect between when I’d shoot vs. when I’d edit. Like I’d feel really good about a session when I was shooting, was excited to get them on the computer, but then l’d get them on the computer and it was.like I couldn’t bring them to life the way I was wanting to. I’d agonize trying to get in a good editing flow. I couldn’t turn out sessions as fast as I normally could, and I find other things to do other than work on the computer. I’d also get really down and my inner critic would keep telling me, “I just suck.” It made things worse going on social media and seeing everyone’s beautiful work, and I didn’t feel like I had anything worth a crap. I felt like I was letting my clients down to the extreme. When I’d get an inquiry my first thought was, “why in the world are they choosing me? don’t they know how much I suck?” It’s almost like it was a slow build, snowball effect, of getting down in the dumps.
I had zero interest in wanting to shoot for myself, which is incredibly not like me. Even during busy times, I shoot for myself 3-4 times a week. It’s not uncommon for me to have my camera in my hand every day working on something, inspired by something. It was like all of the energy and motivation had been sucked from my soul. My creativity left me and I was stuck feeling uninspired, going through the motions, hoping I don’t deliver work my clients hate.
It’s a really sucky place to be in. My rational brain knows better. It can feel what’s happening, it knows it’s just a low that I need to embrace and work through because a high is coming and I just need to ride the wave. But that lack of energy and constant nagging negative self talk just completely drained me. Every single sign was pointing towards “rest” and I. basically just ignored them. I felt guilty for “sucking.” I felt guilty for not picking up my camera and snapping photos of my own kids, that’s time I won’t get back.
If I’m being honest, I know I’m talking past-tense, but I haven’t completely come out of the slump. I feel like I’m slowly noticing a lighter load on my shoulders though. Inspiration is coming back to me without me having to search for it. I’m feeling more energetic about work projects I have coming up, and being completely transparent, having the energy to update my blog feels like it’s a sign things are working themselves out too.
I’m really fortunate. I have so much support from my family, friends, and clients. I found so much solace in being able to connect with my photographer friends who can relate to this feeling. It’s been wonderful having a husband who I can talk to, who. will be honest with me and who reassures me that I don’t suck. And the thing I’ve found most awesome in all of this? Is that even when I feel like I suck and have run out of steam, I am still getting to work with some of the kindest people. I’m still getting referrals, my calendar is as full as I can manage, and I am not completely feeling like I need to close up shop and become a recluse (even though every now and then those thoughts definitely cross my mind).
We all go through it though, right? Here are some things I’ve learned through experience and advice that’s been shared with me, as I’ve dealt with creative burnout.
REST
find the root of the problem- is it your schedule? is it lack of variety in sessions? things like that.
don’t try and force something
give yourself grace and a pat on the back- you’re your own worst critic! find something that makes you proud of yourself.
do NOT give up. do NOT become a recluse and hibernate.
understand your limitations and set appropriate boundaries
delegate when you can
understand that it is temporary
Sounds simple in theory but can be super hard to put into practice. It’s not been fun, but I’m thankful to be coming out of it and starting to feel more like myself again. I’m starting to feel ready to create again, like photography is fun and something I love again. I don’t know if creative burnout is completely preventable. We can all know what to do to try and avoid it, but I feel like we have to have these lows in order to flourish and maybe a burnout isn’t all bad. It might not be a good thing, but there’s always a bit of beauty when things get ugly if you know what I’m saying. You get a chance to find your strength, to persevere, to grow. I have my fingers crossed that’s what I’m doing right now <3
